Dorothy Xu's Paradise

Relationship is a kind of complicated mess. Most of time, people cannot tell what's the real thing they want to do. There's a sort of attitude towards this aspect--being fickle-minded. Is it true that real need will be recognized through series loss?

This world is a colorful sea, temptation is unavoidable.So fishes swimming in are lucky to confront, to meet, to accept any attraction.

Here, I just want to say, that any fish who wants to get sth. from this sea, he must fight, fight for what he needs, and fight for what he doesn't need.

Human is a kind of stupid animal in affection. Some of them ,maybe a considerable number of them, would take other's feeling or attitude quite serious, but ignored what himsself really need. What does this mean? Well. answer won't be so explicite, I'm afraid. People who wants an exact approach towards love shouldn't expect tpp much, coz' u've alreay had some, maybe enough. So , never care too much what's unavailable unexpectedly. There's  a secure way to treat this,that's, consider every kind of loss expectable, gain unexpeted. And u will feel much better!~

                                                                              ---From a typical pessimistic wanderer

Today, when I was told by facts that it was only me who didn't pass the number entering test, I fell into deep sprrow and depression. Before, I 'd been thinking that there must be somebady who would failed with me, there must be! But this afternoon, after the paper test, I had to accept this fact, yeah, it was me, only me, left me, failed this number test.

Well, what should I say to this result? The test had been held for twice, thie only purpose (everybody knows) was to let all of us pass. But, I didn't make my best showing, I lost this game!

I know, it was all my own fault, it was due to my laziness. I didn't spent enough time for practise, and didn't listen to others' advice(use the correct method to do it). Now, this time, I got this lesson, and I should learn from this serious lesson!

People often said that the test wasn't that important, but, this time, I have to consider it subjuctively important to me. Cause' it's so shameful! How can I fall like this!! I should be excellent!!!

Ok, now, I know I should cheer up to walk forward, it's no use to think about the bad result, cause' I has happened. All I need to do is to work harder and harder, study diligently.

This is life, yeah, not always peaceful. This little lesson, I hope it is a helper to make me alert from now on, not a weapon to hurt me from inside.

Come on, Angela, you can make it!

Last night, a painful call from a little dog reminded me of my loved dog zz. I love zz so much that until now I still cannot forget it's loyalness, lovelyness,and smartness. Every time I think of her, my tears can help falling down. I daren't see any pics of her, and her babies.

I swear I won't raise pets anymore. cause' I don't want to see them leave, die. It's a deep feeling of sorrow and pain!

zz, I love you, may you have real happieness in heaven.

Left this city, now, somtime, would think of...... Too much memory, to forget

I thought I would easily get rid of  all those things, later, I found it was, it is so hard.

Listening to all these same old songs, but the same old person had left.

I did admit that I love these songs, but I daren't listen to them.

I think I've been looking for the rainbow that I could walk on.Now, I think I've found another rainbow instead.

This rainbow is about to shine from another angle.

True love, who can tell?

Those who had experienced much pain in love?

Those who had much sweetness?

Maybe neither,

once you are in love, you are to get drunk, get confused.

So never try to make clear everything, it's no good.

 

Today, the salary is down. Firstly, seeing the salary sheet, I was so happy, cause' the Number had increased to double. Then, I thanked god and my unit from my heart, and even decided working for CCB for most of my career .

I couldn't help checking my salary account , as soon as I was off, I went to the ATM, check the detail list, Debit 1515, Yes! got it! That's my first normal salary. Then I withdrew 500, which was planned to give my parents during the course, and went home, with very very happy smile.

Back home, I hide the News, ready to make announcement after my brother come back.

----Finally, dinner was finished. I proudly pulled out 500, to my mother. Mother was as happy as last time I gave 300. But after my father knew that I had got 1515 salary, he unexpectedly asked me to contribute 1000!!

 Nearly cried, I was standing beside!

As far as I know, most of my friends give nearly 1/4 salary to their family. I've contribute 1/3, but was not satisfied.!

I don't know why my father would become so strict to me. Did he feel that I was leaviing this family, and now tried to get as much as possible from me?

In fact, I won't care giving how much to family, if necessary, I could contribute all.

Maybe, tonight, it was just because that father didn't completely, throughly understand my needs.

Well that's the vexation of a grown child!

Got moved by you

Took your hands

Saw the last beautiful flame

Heart jumped for you

Then,

Finally,

Found out,

We were, we had been each other's supporting role

Leave this place

And forget everything

Forget you

from the buttom of my heart

Forever,forever

 

Meet Appreciation

 

These days, I 've been awake at midnight, turning round and round, couldn't get to sleep...

I believe that people who cannot get to sleep must have sth that bothers. So do I. I cannot tell clearly in detail what I am worrying about or thinking about. All the problems seemed so complicated, just like puzzles!

The biggest problem rencently is A's problem. Actually, his obligation to get the Green card bothers me a lot, what's more, and what's worse, he told me that he was so unsure wether he could graduate this year, due to that damned last exam!!!

I don't know how that come, but there's a strong idea in my mind--I influenced him. The things reated  are so many, including that his parents' approval to our relationship, and my occupating his time on chatting on line~~. The former reason reflects, he started to become lazy, lack of willpower and motivity; while the later one reflects, he loves me so much that he just want to be with me, regardless what cost.

...Last night, my held our pic to my chest, where is closer to my heart, dreaming about him widely... The scenes flashed by like movie, the time we spent togethter, the dreams we dreamed together, the sweetness we tasted together...

My heart hurts~~ like usual, through to my palms...

Honey, you used to take my hands by pinching my palms, and you said it seem that you had seized my heart. And now I could tell you, that, You've seized my heart firmly, everytime I think of you, my palms hurts!...I just want to see you as soon as possible~~!

It is said that women are insane when they are in love. Nika thinks, it's quite true, abso-fucking-lutely true.Nika is a standard  perpect girl in most people's( men & women) eyes. She has been considered finding a common guy who doesn't seem match her in some way or ways. In most cases, she didn't know why she would be in love with that guy, even doubted with whether she loves him. It seems, sometimes stupid questions, but to her, it's not. Female friends around her, it seems that most of them are quite bright, chose the best for their own, and they could always tell her considerable reasons for loving their sweethearts."Should I choose the one I love, or the one loves me?" Thoudsands of times, she's been asking herself such a questions. There's one thing she can be sure, clearly, that's her guy loves her deeply, and he's eager to have her for the whole life, regardless what happens. And, there's another thing she's half sure, that's she does love anther guy,who she's never paid so much love and care on actively, and with heart and soul.She, and the " another guy", in fact, know each other very well. including character,hobbies, dreams ect. of each other , and the cruel fact that they are impossible!! How many time she's been wildly wishing that they do start that love, but it just has been  unrealistic dreams!! Thus, she returned to her guy, her fiance if expectively.But,sometimes , she did wander out of her sweetheart's door,hesitating--"Could he finally be my ideal husband, the one I could always rely on and be with through my life???"

Well, once I said to myself , that never could be any  Chinese in this blog, the reason why I built this blog is to keep my English and French.But really, sometimes, it sucks, when I couldn't express myself thoroughly. What's more,how could this campus network be so damned!! Stopped me from pouring my bullshit time to time, depressed me!

Afterall. I'm leaving here, staying away from this Snail Speed network, this place , where might should not for me to be though!~

Cool....the weath is getting hot, but people's hearts can feel cool~. For what?  For fate!

"Evertbody has his own story", it's damnedly true!

At this moment, in many places, many confused fishes are still struggling for themselves in the illimitable sea. Seeking for their direction, their faith, their weapon, and the strength to escape.

Some of them are always  brave enough to fight for their benefits, but some are even scared to face a small fire. sheep, they are sheep, should learn to be a wolf  sometimes.

Anyway. "every road leads to rome". Here, I sincerely prey for those who had did great contribution to others, who had always been ready to help others, I wish all of you could find out your position finally. and stand for yourselves. Never be discouraged or frustrated. Victory is waiting for you and your firm belief!!

 

Thank you for reading my pointless bullshit! Hope you can get what's good for you~!

Today is Mother's day,I 'd like t express my sincere thankfulness to my lovely, honorable Mama. Mama,are you happy today? Your children love you.